In the realm of gender stereotypes, the concept of “manhood” often comes with a set of demanding expectations—qualities like rationality, protectiveness, and the role of provider.
As gender equality progresses and boys lag girls educationally, these expectations can feel increasingly unattainable, making it difficult for some to envision themselves living up to the provider ideal.
With a slight gender imbalance favouring men over women, the competitive pressure intensifies, and it can feel as though there is little room for failure in meeting these rigid standards of masculinity.
But what happens when men inevitably feel as though they are falling short or experiencing weakness? How do they protect their self-esteem in the face of these societal demands, and what messages are they receiving from those around them?
Man’s Response To Unrealistic Expectations
One troubling response to this pressure is the search for quick fixes—such as aggression or the attempt to reclaim the protective, dominant male identity. This is playing out in the rise of online communities like the “manosphere” and the growing erosion of reproductive rights in the U.S., where some men, rather than protecting, end up oppressing women.
However, there may be alternative ways for men to build self-esteem that doesn’t rely on destructive behaviours or outdated ideals.
Traits such as responsibility, humility, and personal growth offer a more positive, sustainable path to self-worth.
Why Did Netflix’s “Adolescence” Become Viral?
The Netflix series “Adolescence” quickly became a cultural talking point, garnering 24.3 million views within just four days.
“Adolescence” suggests a troubling outcome: a young boy, deeply affected by cyberbullying and labelled “incel”, ultimately commits a violent act in response to the shame and frustration he felt.
The devastating outcome affects everyone in the story, underscoring that in a world of gender oppression, nobody truly wins.
Its gripping narrative tackles timely issues like social media’s influence, the complexities of masculine identity, and the rising concern of knife crime, all woven together in a way that feels both suspenseful and relatable.
Women’s Standing In Society: Then And Now
Historically, women had limited access to financial resources and property, relying on marriage for security and social standing. Many sought to “marry up” in order to elevate their societal position.
However, over the last century, women’s rights have undergone significant progress, with advancements like contraception and increased participation in education providing greater autonomy. This shift has contributed to delayed fertility rates, which some see as a threat to the future of humanity.
What About Men?
Despite these strides, challenges remain—men still earn more on average, hold more positions of power in the workplace, and face less violence at the hands of men.
The social landscape, however, has shifted. Many young boys now perceive girls as competitors for power, raising questions about whether their societal privileges are being undermined.
Boys, often feel disconnected from intimate relationships while they mature at a slower rate to girls in emotional, sexual, and cognitive development. This sense of alienation can lead to frustration, confusion, and a sense of inferiority about their place in the world.
Much of this disillusionment can be attributed to broader social inequalities, encapsulated by Vilfredo Pareto’s 80/20 rule.
Originally describing wealth distribution, the theory suggests that 20% of people control 80% of resources.
In the modern dating world, this inequality is mirrored: statistics show that 20% or less of men receive the attention of 80% or more of women.
The “manosphere,” an online subculture of men who feel overlooked by women, labels these individuals as “incels” (involuntary celibates), feeding resentment and bitterness toward women.
For adolescents, does this matter? Many are still too young to have explored relationships, leaving them uncertain about their attractiveness or desirability.
However, the feeling of being overlooked, coupled with an environment where many boys are unsure of their social status, becomes a source of significant frustration.
Without a broader understanding of gender dynamics and women’s rights, some may start to view women’s increasing power as a threat to their own opportunities.
Influencers Exploit Teen Vulnerability, Fuelling Hysteria for Profit
Influencers are capitalising on this vulnerability, exploiting teenagers’ confusion and frustrations to stir up emotions and create a frenzy for their own financial gain. They spread correlations as causations, leading young boys to catastrophise their own situations.
For example, data hasn’t replicated an exact 80/20 split. Furthermore, is it down to looks or finances that would lead 80% of women to disregard the 80% of men who feel invisible? Are intentions with a commitment on dating platforms truly aligned?
Perhaps avoiding pictures of exotic big cats and topless bathroom selfies protects women from potential harm, such as unwanted pregnancies, domestic violence, financial or emotional abuse, and other toxic dynamics that have nothing to do with looks and financial success.
This brings us to a bigger question: How do we move forward? Do we continue the societal tug-of-war between men and women?
In places like the U.S., there are growing movements to restrict women’s rights, evidenced by practices such as child marriage (where mostly girls are married to adult men), female genital mutilation, and the erosion of reproductive rights, where the rights of unborn foetuses are sometimes valued more than those of the women carrying them.
The series serves as a powerful call to action, urging men to step up as role models, guiding their peers on how to handle societal pressures without resorting to oppressive behaviour.
Perhaps DS Misha Frank was right in the show when she said, “all kids really need is one thing that makes them feel okay about themselves.”
As we look to the future, I hope that positive male role models emerge clearly for teenage boys, cutting through the noise of influencers stirring up frenzies for profit, and instead offering true guidance and strength.
Written by: Dr Marie-Claire Reville, Principal Psychologist
