We often view marriage as success in a relationship. Almost like it’s a final destination. All issues will be resolved once we ‘tie the knot’. However, we know that many issues in our relationship arise after we’ve been married – in fact it takes couples up to six years to seek help after the difficulties have started. This fallacy can lead many to feel disappointed or worried when they start to face challenges, conflict or misunderstandings. The reality is that all marriages, all relationships in fact, will evolve and face difficulties. Even the strongest of bonds will have trying moments. Using these can be moments as opportunities to grow and deepen of the relationship will help the marriage thrive over time. Sometimes, the resolution can seem difficult and seeking help from a professional can offer couples hope to finding a greater understanding, reconciliation and deepening of the union.
What is Marriage Counseling?
Marriage counseling, also known as couples therapy or relationship counseling, is a form of therapy that is conducted by a trained clinician who specialises in couples therapy. Usually clinicians who work with couples will have had extended training in a model that was developed primarily for working with couples. The various models all emphasise improving conflict and communication, deepening intimacy and connection and building (or rebuilding) friendship. Couples therapy or marriage counselling creates a safe and empathic context whereby couples can learn to express their thoughts and feelings and deepen their understanding of each others perspective. By fostering greater empathy, compassion and connection, there is a rebuilding of trust and a strengthening of the friendship. This becomes a conduit for navigating conflict and developing a stronger relationship.
Does Marriage Counseling Work?
The impact and efficacy of marriage counselling depends on the model that is used, the training and experience of the clinician and the willingness of the partners to engage in the process actively and openly. The severity and duration of the underlying issues will also impact the effectiveness of the therapy as well as the compatibility between the couples therapist and the couple. It is paramount that both partners feel at ease with the couples therapist as this will considerably enhance the impact of the work.
Research into couples therapy suggests that it can have a significant impact on communication, intimacy, quality of the friendship and relationship. It can also help improve the mood of the individuals and their overall wellbeing (Locke HJ, Wallace KM. Short marital adjustment and prediction tests: their reliability and validity. Marriage Fam Living. 1959;21:251–255. doi: 10.2307/348022.) and relationship satisfaction (Klann N, Hahlweg K, Baucom DH, Kroeger C. The effectiveness of couple therapy in Germany: a replication study. J Marital Fam Ther. 2011;37:200–208).
Another study by Roesler (2020,Effectiveness of Couple Therapy in Practice Settings and Identification of Potential Predictors for Different Outcomes: Results of a German Nationwide Naturalistic Study, Fam Process) looked into the efficacy of couples therapy. The findings showed that couple therapy effectively improved relationship satisfaction and communication, reduced symptoms of depression and anxiety, and decreased relationship distress.
Although the research on couples therapy is generally positive, it’s important to recognize that therapy isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution.The model employed, the severity of the presentation and the complexity of the relationships issues, in addition to the clinical skills of the clinician and the congruence between the clinician and the couple, will all influence the impact of the couples therapy. With the right therapist and with motivated couples, research offers robust support for the effectiveness of couples therapy in improving relationship functioning and overall well-being.
How to Find the Right Marriage Counselor
Choosing the right marriage counselor is pivotal to the success of the counseling process.
Here are some key considerations to guide you in finding the most suitable professional:
– Seek recommendations of colleagues, friends or referrers. It is helpful to know that the clinician is experienced and has had success with other couples.
– Do your research into their credentials. Make sure the clinician is trained in specialist couples therapy such as Gottman Couples Therapy, Imago, Emotion Focused Therapy or CBT for couples.
– Research the approach – make sure the model resonates with your preferences and goals as a couple.
– Assess compatibility – have an initial call with the clinician to see whether they are compatible with your needs, values and communication. A good clinician should help you feel at ease, understood and feel like a good fit.
– Clarify logistics – check in regarding location, session duration, fees and cancellation policies. Make sure that the clinicians availability is aligned with your schedule and preferences for ongoing support.
Marriage counselling can help a relationship regain connection, deepen understanding and intimacy. We also know that couples therapy can impact the individual and can even help individuals with their mood and anxiety issues. Doing the research into the clinical model, the skill of the clinician and check compatibility will help ensure that the experience is a positive and relationship enhancing one.
