According to the Straits Times, a survey by the Singapore Council of Women’s Organisations (SCWO) and James Cook University in Singapore found that approximately half of women in Singapore aged 40-59 experience mental health concerns, and only 59% have sought help.
In numerical terms, approximately 300,000 women in that age range experience mental health concerns, and only half seek help.
Given Singapore’s low gender inequality, why then are so many women experiencing mental health concerns and where are the pressures coming from?
Women Are Expected To Take On More Than Men
Women wear many hats in Singapore – they are employees, wives, mothers, girlfriends, daughters, sisters, friends, colleagues, and so on.
As of 2023, more and more women have taken on leadership roles at work. A woman in her 40s is likely juggling work pressures, elderly parents and associated health issues, ongoing expectations as a mother, wife and daughter.
That’s not to say that men in the same age range don’t experience similar pressures. Times are changing, and we see men and fathers stepping up and showing up in their families more and more to share the load. However, women still bear a large proportion of the emotional labour of managing their families’ personal lives.
Emotional labour is a term coined by sociologist Arlie Hochschild to describe the act of employees regulating their emotions to fit in with emotional norms as well as to ensure smooth flow of business necessary.
Women have and are traditionally expected to regulate their emotions better in the workplace as per gender norms and stereotypes. This means that when given tasks, they are often expected to do it, even if these tasks don’t fall under their job descriptions.
For example, women are expected to take the lead in remembering and organising birthday cards and birthday parties around the office to build a sense of community. A survey as recent as 2022 in the United Kingdom found that women are more than twice as likely to be asked to make coffee or drinks.
The term has since then expanded to include the emotional and mental load that women carry in the household. More often than not, women/mothers are the ones who plan and execute their children’s daily routines; plan family get-togethers and outings; ferry them to tuition and extracurricular activities; decide what tuition to send their children to; when to schedule doctors and dental appointments for their children, their parents and themselves; keep track of birthdays and other important dates; keep track of their children’s assignments, homework and exam; plan healthy meals and go through bedtime routines.
A study of 500 married Singaporean women (with and without children) in November 2020 found that women still tended to manage chores that require daily attention (e.g. groceries, cleaning, cooking, etc). Fewer Singaporean women are happy about their household responsibilities compared to men. Singaporean mothers also tend to report experiencing more stressful moments.
In my experiences with parents and caregivers, it is often mothers who are aware of their children’s health issues, developmental milestones, the names of their teachers, who their friends in school are, their children’s strongest and weakest subjects and so on.
On top of that, many women hold senior positions at work and are still expected to work as hard or even harder than their male counterparts.
Mental Health Concerns In Women
The pressure to excel at work, maintain relationships, care for family, and still “look put together” can often leave women feeling exhausted on a daily basis. Juggle all of these long enough, and it may lead to chronic stress, feelings of loneliness, helplessness and mental exhaustion.
Yet because these pressures are so normalised, many women don’t even realise they’re burnt out until their bodies or emotions give way. Chronic stress can lead to physical symptoms such as headaches, joint pain, sleep difficulties and even lowered immunity. It can lead to irritability, depression and anxiety.
How To Care For Your Mental Health
If you resonate with some of the discussion points above, it’s possible that you’re carrying a large mental load.
As the saying goes, the first step is always to acknowledge that there is a problem – name the mental load and give yourself the credit for doing it. It can be an acknowledgement that you’re doing a lot of the planning and organisational work in the home and tell yourself you’re doing a stellar job, just like how you would say to a friend, colleague or relative.
Once you have a sense of what you’re doing (and how much you’re doing), see if you can share the load with other people. Ask your partner or relative for help and see if they can support you.
Other systemic supports, such as flexible work arrangements, can also help reduce the mental exhaustion that you’re feeling.
If you continue experiencing mental health difficulties, know that you are not alone, and know that you don’t have to continue carrying the load on your own. You can reach out for professional support at Us Therapy.
Written by Bibiana, Clinical Psychologist at Us Therapy