Self-Sabotage
Have you ever set a goal, then watched yourself procrastinate, cancel, or walk away from it completely? Maybe you have told yourself you are not good enough, or picked a fight just when things were going well.
These are common signs of self-sabotage.
What Is Self-Sabotage?
Self-sabotage refers to patterns of thoughts, emotions, or behaviours that interfere with your goals or well-being, often without you fully realising it. You undermine your success, relationships or happiness, despite wanting positive outcomes.
Self-sabotage is not a personal flaw. It often comes from unconscious fears, learned habits or emotional wounds.
Signs Of Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotaging behaviours can show up in different ways depending on the person and situation.
Common signs include:
- Procrastinating or avoiding tasks you care about
- Quitting projects or relationships prematurely
- Negative self-talk (e.g. “I’m not good enough”)
- Overcommitting or perfectionism, then burning out
- Picking fights or creating drama in stable relationships
- Ignoring needs like sleep, rest, or support
- Repeating harmful coping strategies (e.g. substance use, bingeing)
These behaviours often feel protective in the moment, but create long-term stress and frustration.
Why Do We Self-Sabotage?
Self-sabotage is not about laziness or weakness. It is often rooted in:
- Fear of failure: Avoiding success out of fear that you will disappoint others or yourself
- Fear of success: Worrying that achieving your goals will bring pressure, visibility or change
- Low self-worth: Believing that you do not deserve good things
- Unresolved trauma: Past experiences of rejection, control, or chaos may make stability feel unfamiliar or unsafe
- Internalised beliefs: Growing up in critical or invalidating environments can cause you to internalise shame or doubt
- Cognitive dissonance: When your actions do not align with how you see yourself, you may unconsciously sabotage to reduce discomfort
How Does Self-Sabotage Affect Your Life?
If left unaddressed, self-sabotage may:
- Delay personal or career growth
- Strain or destroy relationships
- Reinforce negative self-beliefs
- Lead to chronic stress, anxiety or burnout
- Create cycles of guilt and shame that become harder to break
When To Seek Help?
Consider seeking support if:
- You often feel stuck, frustrated, or “not good enough”
- You recognise recurring patterns of self-defeat
- Your relationships or goals are being impacted
- You want to change, but do not know where to start
You do not have to break the cycle alone. Therapy offers a safe, non-judgmental space to understand your patterns and build new ones.
How Can Us Help You?
Experienced Therapists
Our processes and quality assurance is led by Dr.Emma Waddington, a UK-trained senior clinician psychologist and Founder of Us Therapy, with over 20+ years of experience in helping individuals in Singapore.
Holistic & Personalised Approach
Our clinicians draw from various therapeutic models to create a holistic approach. At Us, we have seen hundreds of clients and we recognise that each individual is unique. Our approach is tailored to you but always includes customised treatment plans and integrative techniques.
Thorough Assessment
At Us, we pride ourselves on our comprehensive assessment processes. We will undergo a thorough assessment process with you in your first sessions before we come up with a plan for your therapy.
Therapy Approaches
Therapy is a powerful tool for understanding and breaking the cycle of self-sabotage. It helps you explore why they might undermine their own goals and guides them in developing healthier, more supportive patterns of thinking and behaviour.
Effective therapy focuses not just on stopping self-sabotaging behaviours—but also on healing the emotional wounds that drive them.
CBT helps identify and challenge self-defeating thoughts and behaviours. CBT also provides behavioural strategies, such as activity scheduling and behavioural experiments, which promote consistency and follow-through on goals.
Schema Therapy targets deep-rooted patterns that keep you stuck in cycles of sabotage. It integrates elements of CBT, attachment theory, and emotion-focused approaches to help clients heal unmet emotional needs and shift lifelong patterns.
DBT is especially effective for challenges involving intense emotions. It can help with impulsive behaviours, difficulty controlling urges, and struggles in relationships. Through DBT, you will learn practical skills to better understand and manage your emotions.
Psychodynamic Therapy
Psychodynamic Therapy explores unconscious conflicts, emotional wounds, and early relationships that shape self-sabotaging behaviour. For example, a client may unconsciously sabotage healthy relationships due to unresolved attachment trauma. By increasing insight into these patterns, Psychodynamic Therapy fosters deeper emotional understanding and long-term change
Narrative Therapy
Narrative Therapy helps individuals identify and re-author the “stories” they tell about themselves, such as “I always fail” or “I’m not worthy of success.” These internalised narratives often drive self-sabotage. By externalising problems and highlighting strengths, clients gain a new perspective and develop a stronger sense of agency
Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Practices
Practices like meditation, grounding techniques, and self-compassion exercises support emotional regulation, increase self-awareness, and reduce harsh self-criticism. These approaches help clients pause before acting on sabotaging impulses and respond with kindness instead of judgment.
What To Expect
Initial Consultation – A Space to Be Heard
The first session is all about getting to know you. It is a conversation—one where you can share what is been on your mind, what has been feeling difficult, and what you would like support with. Your therapist will ask questions about your background, experiences, and goals, but there is no pressure to answer any questions—just a safe space to begin.
Questionnaires & Onboarding Surveys – Understanding the Full Picture
To help tailor therapy to your needs, you may be asked to fill out some brief questionnaires before or after your first session. These can give insight into things like mood, stress levels, relationship patterns, or coping strategies. They are not tests—just tools to help your therapist understand how best to support you.
Individual Therapy Sessions – Your Journey at Your Own Pace
Each session is a step forward in your journey. Therapy is not just about talking—it is about discovering new ways to navigate life’s challenges, make sense of emotions, and feel like you are getting the most out of your life. Depending on your needs, sessions may focus on:
- Exploring patterns of thought and behavior
- Understanding past experiences and their impact on the present
- Developing practical coping tools
- Strengthening emotional resilience
Feedback Sessions – Reflecting and Adjusting
After the first few sessions (or after assessments), a feedback session provides space to reflect on how therapy is going. This is a chance to talk about what has been helpful, what you would like more of, and how therapy can continue to best serve you.
Intervention – The Heart of Therapy
Intervention is where meaningful change happens. Every therapy journey is unique, and the approach will be shaped around what works best for you. Some common approaches include:
🌱 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) – Helping to identify and shift unhelpful thought patterns, reduce anxiety, and develop healthier ways to cope and new patterns of behaviour.
🧠 Schema Therapy – Deep, transformational work to uncover long-standing patterns that might be keeping you stuck, often rooted in early life experiences.
💙 Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) – Learning to handle difficult emotions with self-compassion and move towards what truly matters in life.
🌊 Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) – A powerful approach for healing trauma and distressing memories, helping the brain reprocess them in a way that feels less overwhelming.
🧘 Mindfulness-Based Approaches – Building self-awareness, grounding techniques, and ways to manage stress and emotions with greater ease.
Fees
Individual Counselling Rates
Clinician type
Fees
Clinic Founder
$310
Principal Psychologist
$290
Senior Clinical Psychologist
$262
Educational Psychologist
$262
Clinical Psychologist
$236
Counsellor
$170
Expressive Arts Therapist
$170
Associate Psychologist
$130
Phone calls / Emails
Clinicians rate pro-rata (10 Mins)
Frequently Asked Questions
What are some examples of self-sabotaging behaviours?
Procrastination, perfectionism, emotional withdrawal, overcommitting, and negative self-talk are common examples. Other forms include ending relationships suddenly, ignoring deadlines, or using substances to cope with stress.
Can self-sabotage be unconscious?
Yes. Many people do not realise they are sabotaging themselves until patterns are pointed out in therapy. These behaviours often serve a protective purpose rooted in early experiences.
Is self-sabotage the same as low self-esteem?
Not exactly, but they are linked. Low self-esteem can contribute to self-sabotage, especially when one believes they do not deserve success or happiness. However, even high-achievers with perfectionist tendencies may self-sabotage due to fear of failure or pressure.
How can I stop self-sabotaging?
Awareness is the first step. Working with a therapist can help you:
- Recognise triggers and patterns
- Challenge negative self-beliefs
- Build healthier coping strategies
- Learn how to tolerate success and closeness without fear
Healing takes time, but change is possible with the right support.