In 2017, the #MeToo movement ignited a global conversation about the widespread nature of sexual harassment and assault, providing countless women the courage to speak out about their experiences. It was long overdue, and it opened up an important and necessary dialogue about power dynamics, consent, and the treatment of women in various spheres of life—from the workplace to social interactions. At the time, there was also a backlash that women were being ‘overly sensitive’ and couldn’t handle ‘harmless fun.’
However, in recent years, there has been a counter-movement from a segment of men, often referred to as the ‘manosphere’—a term used to describe online communities that perpetuate misogynistic and anti-feminist rhetoric. The rise of these voices highlights the need for deeper, more meaningful conversations about women’s rights, gender equality, and how we can create a world where women are no longer subject to the abuse and harassment that has been so ingrained in our society. With the most recent Netflix series ‘Adolescence’ this conversation has reared its head again. And with good reason.
But what conversations do we need to be having with the men and boys in our lives?
Understanding the Root Causes
At the heart of these tensions lies a truth that we need to acknowledge: we need to create a culture of respect and empathy for everyone — men, boys, women and girls. And it needs to be cultivated from a young age. Unfortunately, too often, boys are socialized to believe that their worth is tied to dominance, control, or entitlement over women (and other men, for that matter). And within this lies the toxic and destructive idea that men must suppress emotions, treat women (and other ‘weaker men’) as lesser, and see their masculinity as something to be constantly defended.
For far too long, these ideas have been perpetuated, whether knowingly or unknowingly, by our families, schools, and media. To break the cycle, we must begin by asking ourselves how we can raise boys to value and respect women as equals, to understand consent not just as a legal requirement but as a fundamental human right, and to encourage emotional vulnerability instead of aggression in themselves.
What Does ‘Bad Behaviour’ Look Like?
In the context of the most recent series ‘Adolescence,’ the #MeToo movement, and the broader conversation on women’s rights, one question arises: What is considered “bad behaviour” when it comes to men’s treatment of women? The answer to me is simple—anything that diminishes, disrespects, or dehumanizes a woman. This can range from harassment, intimidation, and assault to more subtle microaggressions like catcalling, mansplaining, and dismissive comments that reinforce outdated gender roles. However, I know that it isn’t that simple.
Take, for instance, the seemingly harmless comments about a woman’s appearance. It’s common for women to hear remarks about their looks—whether compliments or critiques—on a daily basis. In fact, I’ve often heard that it’s what women want to hear. On the surface, these comments may seem innocent or even flattering. But for many women, they are a source of discomfort. This feeling is often dismissed as being overly sensitive or taking things too seriously. However, the impact of these comments is real, and it’s important to ask: when is it harmless, and when is it harmful? And who gets to make this decision?
When Is It Harmful?
The line between harmless fun and harmful behaviour isn’t always clear, but the key distinction lies in how the comment is received. A woman might feel objectified or reduced to her physical appearance, especially when her worth is consistently tied to how she looks rather than her capabilities or intellect.
For example, a compliment about someone’s appearance may feel empowering and affirming in certain contexts. But when it’s unsolicited or overly focused on physical attributes, it can make the person feel as though their value is based solely on their looks, not their character or contributions. It’s essential to recognize that women often do not have the same level of agency over these types of comments, especially when they come from people in positions of power or authority.
Who Decides What’s Acceptable?
This brings us to another important question: Who decides what’s acceptable and what isn’t? The answer is simple—the individual. It’s the person receiving the comment who should have the final say in how it makes them feel. We must move away from the mindset that certain behaviours are “harmless” simply because they’ve been normalized or because the person delivering the comment didn’t intend harm. The reality is that intent does not always align with impact. Just because a comment is meant to be playful or complimentary doesn’t mean the recipient feels the same way.
This is why we need to shift the responsibility from the women who feel uncomfortable to the men (and society at large) who perpetuate these behaviors. If a woman expresses discomfort, that should be enough for us to pause and reconsider our actions or words. It’s not about policing every interaction but about cultivating a culture where respect for boundaries and individual experiences comes first.
Is Calling Out ‘Bad Behaviour’ Enough?
The #MeToo movement has successfully shifted the spotlight on bad behaviour, empowering women to come forward and speak out against the abuses they’ve suffered. But as powerful as this movement has been, calling out problematic behaviour is only part of the solution.
The real change will come from shifting cultural attitudes, particularly among men, so that they themselves identify and challenge harmful behaviour before it escalates. This means fostering a deeper understanding of consent, communication, and emotional intelligence amongst our boys and girls—not just reacting to inappropriate actions but actively working to prevent them. It’s about creating spaces where teaching boys and men to respect boundaries, be accountable for their actions, and act as allies for women, not adversaries.
How Do We Get There?
Education and early intervention: Conversations about gender equality, respect, and consent must begin at an early age. Schools, families, and communities should be active participants in promoting these values, ensuring that young boys (and girls) understand the importance of healthy relationships and emotional intelligence.
Open conversations: Men and boys need to be encouraged to talk openly about their feelings, their challenges with unhelpful messages about masculinity, and their experiences. These conversations help break down the barriers of shame and isolation that often keep them from addressing harmful behaviors. We need to create spaces where men feel comfortable acknowledging mistakes and learning from them and where men and boys feel safe and comfortable naming harmful behaviour.
Challenging misogyny in the ‘manosphere’: It’s critical that men who are part of—or come across—misogynistic communities or online spaces understand the consequences of these harmful ideologies. While it can be difficult to reach those entrenched in the ‘manosphere,’ we need to emphasize empathy, educate on gender equality, and actively combat the narratives that degrade women. This requires a combined effort from all sides—men, women, and society at large.
Holding everyone accountable: It’s not just about women speaking out. Men, too, must hold each other accountable. Male allies are crucial in calling out bad behavior when they see it, whether in the workplace, at home, or within their circles of friends. Silence in the face of misogyny is complicity.
Creating a Future Where Women Aren’t Harmed
Ultimately, the goal is simple: to create a world where women (and men) don’t suffer at the hands of men. This will require a collective effort to eradicate the deep-seated misogyny that continues to perpetuate harm. It’s not just about calling out bad behaviour; it’s about creating an entire culture of respect, equality, and accountability.
As we continue the conversation around women’s rights, the #MeToo movement, and the rise of the manosphere, we must be intentional about the changes we seek. We need men to be partners in this movement—engaged, reflective, and committed to dismantling harmful systems.
The future of gender equality isn’t just a fight for women’s rights. It’s a fight for men to evolve, too—into better, more compassionate, and responsible human beings who recognize that true masculinity is not about dominance, but about respect, equality, and mutual care.
Let’s keep the conversation going. For our sons. For our fathers. For our brothers. For our husbands. For all of us.
Written by: Dr Emma Waddington, Founder of Us Therapy
