Perfectionism
Symptoms, Causes & When to Get Help
Perfectionism can look like being responsible, organised, capable, or “high-achieving” on the outside. But inside, it can feel like constant pressure, fear of making mistakes, difficulty resting, or never feeling good enough even when you have done well.
We understand that perfectionism is more than just wanting to do your best. For many people, it becomes exhausting when your sense of worth depends on meeting very high standards all the time.
What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism is a pattern of setting very high standards for yourself, while also being highly self-critical when you do not meet them.
Having goals, ambition, or attention to detail is not the problem. These qualities can help you grow and do meaningful work. Perfectionism becomes more difficult when mistakes feel unbearable, rest feels undeserved, or your mind treats anything less than perfect as failure.
Research on clinical perfectionism describes it as placing too much of your self-worth on achieving demanding personal standards, even when this causes distress or affects your life negatively.
What are the symptoms of perfectionism?
Perfectionism can affect how you think, feel, behave, and relate to others. It may show up at work, in school, in relationships, in parenting, in sport, or in daily routines.
Common symptoms include:
- Spending too much time checking, editing, or redoing tasks
- Feeling anxious when things are unfinished or uncertain
- Avoiding tasks because you fear you will not do them well enough
- Feeling guilty when you rest
- Comparing yourself harshly to others
- Feeling like your achievements “do not count” because they could have been better
- Becoming upset by criticism, correction, or feedback
- Struggling to delegate or trust others
- Feeling frustrated when others do not meet your standards
- Needing reassurance before making decisions
- Feeling burnt out, tense, or unable to switch off
Some people with perfectionism continue to perform well on the outside. This can make it harder for others to see how much pressure they are carrying.
What causes or contributes to perfectionism?
Perfectionism can develop for many reasons. It is rarely about being “too hard on yourself” for no reason.
For some people, perfectionism starts early. You may have learnt that achievement brought praise, approval, safety, or belonging. You may have grown up around high expectations, criticism, comparison, or pressure to be responsible.
Perfectionism can also develop as a way to cope with anxiety. If everything is planned, polished, and controlled, life may feel less uncertain. Over time, this coping strategy can become exhausting.
Common contributing factors include:
- Fear of failure or rejection
- Early criticism or high expectations
- Pressure to achieve at school, work, or home
- Comparing yourself to others
- Feeling responsible for keeping things together
- Experiences where mistakes felt unsafe or shameful
- Low self-worth or fear of not being good enough
How does perfectionism link to mental health?
Perfectionism is not a mental health diagnosis on its own. It can, however, contribute to emotional distress and make some difficulties harder to manage.
Research has linked perfectionism, especially fear of mistakes and doubts about actions, with symptoms of anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and eating-related concerns.
Perfectionism may affect mental health in different ways:
- In anxiety, perfectionism can make uncertainty feel threatening.
- In depression, it can increase self-criticism and feelings of failure.
- In eating disorders, it can increase rigid rules around food, body image, or control.
- In burnout, it can make rest feel like laziness instead of recovery.
- In relationships, it can make you feel afraid of disappointing others.
This does not mean perfectionism causes these concerns for everyone. It means perfectionism can become a pattern that maintains stress, shame, pressure, and emotional exhaustion.
When To Seek Help
You may want to seek help when perfectionism starts affecting your daily life, relationships, health, or sense of self.
It may be time to speak to a therapist if you:
- Feel anxious, guilty, or restless when you are not productive
- Spend excessive time checking, editing, or redoing tasks
- Avoid starting things because you fear they will not be good enough
- Struggle to rest without feeling lazy or irresponsible
- Feel crushed by mistakes, feedback, or criticism
- Base your self-worth on achievement, appearance, grades, work, or being useful
- Feel burnt out from trying to meet very high standards
- Experience low mood, anxiety, obsessive thoughts, eating concerns, or sleep difficulties linked to pressure and self-criticism
- Feel it affecting your relationships
Perfectionism does not need to look dramatic for it to be painful. You do not need to wait until you break down before seeking support.
How Can Us Help You?
At Us, we understand that healing from these traumas is not a standard method; we work to provide you with a safe, non-judgmental space to process your experiences and work towards recovery.
With the help of the DSM-5, clinicians will review the criteria to check whether your circumstances meet the criteria for a PTSD diagnosis.
However, even if an individual does not meet the exact criteria for a diagnosis, they can still receive treatment for their symptoms. We work alongside evidence-based techniques and will collaborate with you to determine what works best for you and your unique journey.
Experienced Therapists
Our processes and quality assurance is led by Dr.Emma Waddington, a UK-trained senior clinician psychologist and Founder of Us Therapy, with over 20+ years of experience in helping individuals in Singapore.
Holistic & Personalised Approach
Our clinicians draw from various therapeutic models to create a holistic approach. At Us, we have seen hundreds of clients and we recognise that each individual is unique. Our approach is tailored to you but always includes customised treatment plans and integrative techniques.
Thorough Assessment
At Us, we pride ourselves on our comprehensive assessment processes. We will undergo a thorough assessment process with you in your first sessions before we come up with a plan for your therapy.
Our Therapists
Therapy Approaches
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
CBT helps you identify perfectionistic thinking patterns, such as all-or-nothing thinking, fear of failure, and harsh self-criticism.
In therapy, you may learn to question unrealistic standards, test perfectionistic beliefs, and practise completing tasks in a more flexible way. For example, you may explore what happens when something is “good enough” rather than perfect.
CBT can benefit perfectionism by helping you:
- Reduce checking, overthinking, and avoidance
- Build tolerance for mistakes and uncertainty
- Respond to self-critical thoughts more realistically
- Make decisions without needing full reassurance
- Reduce anxiety linked to performance and failure
Research suggests CBT for perfectionism can reduce perfectionism as well as symptoms of anxiety, depression, and eating-related concerns.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
ACT helps you notice perfectionistic thoughts without letting them control every decision.
Instead of trying to remove every anxious thought, ACT helps you make choices based on your values. This can be helpful when perfectionism pulls you towards overworking, avoiding, people-pleasing, or constantly proving yourself.
ACT can benefit perfectionism by helping you:
- Create distance from harsh inner rules
- Focus on what matters to you beyond achievement
- Take action even when things feel uncertain
- Reduce the need to feel “ready” or perfect before starting
- Build a life guided by values rather than fear
Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT)
CFT can be helpful when perfectionism is linked to shame, guilt, or feeling “not good enough”.
This approach helps you understand why your inner critic may feel so strong. It also supports you in developing a kinder, steadier way of speaking to yourself.
CFT can benefit perfectionism by helping you:
- Reduce shame and self-blame
- Understand the protective role of self-criticism
- Build emotional safety
- Respond to mistakes with care rather than punishment
- Strengthen self-worth beyond performance
Psychodynamic Or Relational Therapy
Psychodynamic or relational therapy explores where perfectionism may have come from.
You may look at early experiences, family expectations, relationships, criticism, approval, or moments where you learnt that being “good”, capable, or successful helped you feel accepted.
This approach can benefit perfectionism by helping you:
- Understand deeper emotional patterns
- Explore fear of disappointing others
- Notice how past experiences shape present pressure
- Build healthier relationship boundaries
- Develop a stronger sense of self outside achievement
What To Expect
Initial Consultation – A Space to Be Heard
The first session is all about getting to know you. It is a conversation—one where you can share what is been on your mind, what has been feeling difficult, and what you would like support with. Your therapist will ask questions about your background, experiences, and goals, but there is no pressure to answer any questions—just a safe space to begin.
Questionnaires & Onboarding Surveys – Understanding the Full Picture
To help tailor therapy to your needs, you may be asked to fill out some brief questionnaires before or after your first session. These can give insight into things like mood, stress levels, relationship patterns, or coping strategies. They are not tests—just tools to help your therapist understand how best to support you.
Individual Therapy Sessions – Your Journey at Your Own Pace
Each session is a step forward in your journey. Therapy is not just about talking—it is about discovering new ways to navigate life’s challenges, make sense of emotions, and feel like you are getting the most out of your life. Depending on your needs, sessions may focus on:
- Exploring patterns of thought and behavior
- Understanding past experiences and their impact on the present
- Developing practical coping tools
- Strengthening emotional resilience
Feedback Sessions – Reflecting and Adjusting
After the first few sessions (or after assessments), a feedback session provides space to reflect on how therapy is going. This is a chance to talk about what has been helpful, what you would like more of, and how therapy can continue to best serve you.
Intervention – The Heart of Therapy
Intervention is where meaningful change happens. Every therapy journey is unique, and the approach will be shaped around what works best for you. Some common approaches include:
🌱 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) – Helping to identify and shift unhelpful thought patterns, reduce anxiety, and develop healthier ways to cope and new patterns of behaviour.
🧠 Schema Therapy – Deep, transformational work to uncover long-standing patterns that might be keeping you stuck, often rooted in early life experiences.
💙 Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) – Learning to handle difficult emotions with self-compassion and move towards what truly matters in life.
🌊 Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) – A powerful approach for healing trauma and distressing memories, helping the brain reprocess them in a way that feels less overwhelming.
🧘 Mindfulness-Based Approaches – Building self-awareness, grounding techniques, and ways to manage stress and emotions with greater ease.
Fees
Individual Counselling Rates
Clinician type
Fees and Duration
Clinic Founder
$325
Principal Psychologist
$305
Senior Clinical Psychologist
$277
Educational Psychologist
$277
Clinical Psychologist
$251
Senior Counsellor
$251
Counsellor
$185
Associate Counsellor
$120
Phone calls / Emails
Clinicians rate pro-rata (10 Mins)
FAQs About Perfectionism
Is perfectionism a mental health disorder?
Perfectionism is not a mental health disorder on its own. It is a pattern of thinking, feeling, and behaving that can affect your wellbeing.
For some people, perfectionism becomes linked with anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive symptoms, eating concerns, burnout, or low self-worth. It may also make existing mental health difficulties harder to manage.
How do I know if I am a perfectionist or just have high standards?
High standards usually feel flexible. You can work hard, care about quality, and still accept that some things can be good enough.
Perfectionism tends to feel more rigid and fear-based. You may feel unable to stop, rest, delegate, submit work, or move on unless something feels perfect. Your self-worth may also depend heavily on achievement, approval, or avoiding mistakes.
A helpful question to ask is: “Can I still feel okay about myself if this does not go perfectly?”
Why do I procrastinate when I care so much about doing well?
This is very common. Procrastination does not always mean you do not care. Sometimes, it means you care so much that starting feels overwhelming.
When the standard feels impossible, your brain may try to protect you from the discomfort of failing, being judged, or not doing it perfectly. Avoiding the task gives short-term relief, even though it creates more stress later.
This can look like laziness from the outside, but inside it may feel like pressure, fear, shame, or mental paralysis.
If I let go of perfectionism, will I lose my edge and become mediocre?
This is a fear many people have. If perfectionism has helped you achieve, it can feel risky to loosen your grip on it.
Therapy does not ask you to stop caring or lower all your standards. It helps you separate healthy striving from self-punishment. You can still be ambitious, thoughtful, and committed without being driven mainly by fear, guilt, or harsh self-criticism.
In many cases, reducing perfectionism can actually improve performance because you have more energy, flexibility, creativity, and confidence to try, learn, and recover from mistakes.